/on Forgivness

It's natural for every high-performing team to have conflicts. Conflicts when not managed carefully can come with a risk of being hurt. The risk is magnified within the design community and us ICs.

Why do we, human beings feel hurt in the first place? According to research – there is an evolutionary reason. Hurt served the critical purpose of protecting ourselves with reciprocity being a form of a warning signal to not cross the line again. Unfortunately, it opens a Pandora box of counter-reactions where reciprocity begets more and can easily cost the team their collective mental health. 



When we fail to forgive someone, the thought of that hurt becomes a form of mental poison that eats one from within. Studies also show that hurt, spite and reciprocity create a fertile ground for stress disorders, which negatively affects our collective immune system.
 


Why is there resistance to forgiveness?
Forgiveness doesn't mean excusing unacceptable behavior. It’s about healing the memory of the hurt and not erasing it. When we forgive, we do not change the past. We take control of negative feelings instead of letting them control us. Great leaders in the past have refused to replay past hurts and have chosen forgiveness over righteous anger.
 
I believe Forgiveness is a powerful tool, one we can practice and use to mend any relationship. Carrying expensive grudges and employing strategies erodes trust long term and takes the joy/fun out of teamwork and our inherently creative jobs. Worst case it can put us in scenarios where it feels like we’re always walking on eggshells.

Building Software is a team sport. The funny thing about software is that it’s obsolete the moment we make it. We’re already working on the feature's v-next. The only thing left to cherish is our relationships.